Bloggy Blog Blog

If you have a Blog, does that by logical reasoning make you a “blogger”?  I just don’t think I would feel comfortable limiting myself as a blogger.  In fact although I participate in the act of blogging( as you can clearly discern) I don’t really like most blogs.  The blogs that came up on Google were Chick Literature in a blog “oh he thought that about me and I was hurt, cry cry”  How the fuck are we was a generation going to make any headway against the painful divorce rate ( thanks mom and dad for helping prove my point) if we keep letting this Cosmo bullshit fill our collective heads with contrived fantasies.  I’m by no means an expert but here is some advice based on acts I have often seen girls do that make me want a sex change op.

1) GIVE A GUY A BLOW JOB - It is safer than intercourse in so many way, plus if you don’t some starving for affection women, his friends set him up with will.  Practice makes perfect the more you do it, the better you will get, and then it will be over and he’ll be happy. 

2) DON’T COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT – If I hear one more Paris Hilton photocopy says ”I’m fat.” I will need to reanimated Johnny Cochran for my defense.  If your fat exercise or fake some confidence until you have some.  If you’re not fat then stop fishing for complements.

3)READ A BOOK – and not those trashy novels about posh girl in nice clothes can’t pin down Prince Charming. Imagine sitting down with a guy and dazzling him with your vast knowledge of things other than what Britney Spears is doing now (for the record, you go on Britney spears.  If I had to deal with a 1/4 of her spot light I would have saved my head and tattooed a spider wearing a purple sweater on my face by now.  And who cares if she dropped her baby those things bounce, do not ask me how I know).  Books have original ideas, which hopefully inspire more ideas, then you one day might have one of your own.  This magically little thing could lead to sky scrappers of ideas, tenements of ideas, why you could even have your own blog of ideas that people look at, I’ve had a whole 12, I’m related to most of them but fuck it I’m living the dream here!

4) IF THE CUSTOME FITS – Dressing like a slut is going to attract who? Anyone…anyone…anyone, ok I’ll tell you.  Guys who are looking for slutty girls to treat like a slut.  If being treated like a slut appeals to you, well then post it and I might hook you up with some of my chauvinistic guy friends, but if not then put some clothes on and rely on conversation to find someone, please.

5)NO MORE DIRTY LOOKS – Giving girls who look threatening to you the “stank eye” will create nothing but animosity.  Swallow your fucking pride extent your hand and give the best smile you can.  Even if you don’t win the bitch over, you will be the classier party and collect good karma points which can be traded in at the Pearly gates for a bad ass wardrobe in heaven, fuck Dior Halos for everyone hooray!!

6) SMOKE POT – Everyone is going green now, don’t you want to be in?

7) PERSONAL  STYLE – I know there is this lemming like property to fashion but look at it this way.  Fashion is an extension of your own personality, it is the art that adorns your body and illustrates to people as you walk down the street what might been on the inside of that book of yours.  Do you really want an Ugg boot to exemplify your soul?  If so post and I will come to your house and beat you senseless with a Ugg boot, then post it on YouTube, then Doctor Phil can bail me out with exculsive rights to my story.

8 ) GET OFF YOUR MOTHER FUCKING CELL PHONE – Just because your friends text and call you a million times a day doesn’t make it dope.  Nor does it create the type of engaging environment that a real live, in person conversation would.